When Your Life is Spiraling Out of Control
How do we react when life suddenly takes a sharp turn, like an unexpected loss or the sudden onset of a life-threatening illness? It’s easy to feel like we’re spiraling, but let’s not spin out of control. Take a deep breath.
In this life, pain is inevitable, but suffering is not. What does that mean?
First, it means acknowledging that adversity will occur. Unless you live under an exceptionally lucky star, negative experiences are bound to come your way. Forget the toxic positivity that insists everything will always be okay. Loss, illness, and pain are part of the human experience. They’re unwelcome, but they’re also quite common in life.
Second, it means that you have the power to choose how to respond to adversity. While pain is a physical sensation, suffering is a state of mind. How will you react to pain? Will you let the experience control you or will you focus on resilience and acceptance instead?
Think about how you want to use your energy. Please don’t waste it trying to change the past. No matter how badly you want to, you can’t fix what has already happened. Furthermore, don’t waste your time panicking about the future. Focus on your present thoughts and emotions. Channel that energy into hope. In doing so, you’ll find that you’re ready to face the storm. And hopefully, you’ll have support along the way.
Supporting others when they are spiraling
Let’s consider what it means to help others in their suffering. How do you offer support when someone is drowning? Are you the type who jumps right in to share in the struggle? Or do you stand on the sidelines, tossing a life preserver? Perhaps you can’t bear to watch the person struggle, and you walk away. Which one are you? And which one do you want to be?
Think about it. Ask yourself: How do I walk with someone when I know I can’t fix it? How do I hold someone up when they can’t bear the weight? The answer is simple: be with them. Sit quietly. Allow them to cry, to feel angry, to express their pain. Become an angel in this world. Enter the heart of their experience and pain and be a companion. It’s not glamorous. Often, it feels awkward. But your willingness to face their suffering is a beautiful thing.
Our ability to offer compassion and understanding
And there’s something else that’s beautiful in life: our profound differences. We are left, we are right, and everything in between. Yet, we all share the same human experiences—love, loss, joy, and hardship. It’s easy to find beauty in our lives all around us when everything is going well, but there is beauty even in the most challenging times when we feel we have no control.
Adversity reveals our true character. During these moments, we discover the depth of our resilience, our capacity to persevere, and how we connect with others in ways that transcend our differences. Our ability to offer genuine compassion is a testament to our humanity when someone suffers.
Simply being with someone during their suffering might seem basic, but it is one of the most profound gifts we can give. We live in a world where many people are looking for quick fixes, a world that often encourages us to solve problems and move on. But sometimes, the most healing thing we can offer is our presence.
When grieving or in pain, individuals need someone who understands, not someone who offers solutions. Being present with someone in pain creates a space where healing can begin—not because the pain disappears but because it is acknowledged and shared.
Stepping outside our comfort zone
It’s easy to feel helpless when someone we love is suffering. We may desperately want to make things better, but some struggles are beyond our ability to fix. The beauty, however, lies in the shared experience of suffering. By offering a listening ear, a hand to hold, or just sitting in silence, we communicate something powerful: You are not alone. We often underestimate the impact of simply being there, but that compassionate presence can serve as an anchor, helping the other person regain their balance and stop the spiraling.
Offering support helps the person in need and allows us to grow. We expand our emotional capacity by stepping outside our comfort zones and sitting with someone else’s pain. We learn empathy, patience, and acceptance. We come to understand that while we may not always be able to alleviate another’s suffering, we can stand by them, offering comfort in ways that words alone cannot.
In difficult times—whether we’re struggling or helping others through their challenges—we must remember that adversity, though painful, is not the end of the road. It’s simply part of the human condition. While we can’t always control our circumstances, we can control how we respond to them. Our choices to embrace resilience, offer compassion, and walk together through suffering can transform pain into strength, connection, and beauty. Life may seem as if it is spiraling out of control at times, but through acceptance and mutual support, we can regain our balance, one step at a time, together.
