Health & Well-Being

Sex and the Second Half of Life

Human intimacy is a beautiful thing.  Although when we think of intimacy our thoughts tend to go immediately to sex, intimacy can occur on an emotional, spiritual, intellectual and physical level.  The deepest physical expression, which can integrate all four aspects of intimacy, is sexual intimacy.

I remind readers that sexuality is not limited to the young but is expressed and experienced in some way during each of our life stages.  That was made very real to me when, years ago, as a very young pastor just out of seminary, a well-past-retirement-age senior couple came to me for advice about their sex life!

All of the major religions teach that sex is a sacred and Divine gift.  So how is it that the two most commonly held misconceptions that people have about human sexuality are that sex is shameful and that older adults are not sexual beings?

Medically speaking, sex is for both procreation and recreation—think health and renewal. Psychologically, it is most deeply about intimacy, attachment and feeling loved by another.

As we age, physical factors may impact our sexual health.  Healthy sex in older adults may move from focusing on intercourse to cuddling, erotic physical touch and emotional bonding. As our bodies age and change, this is a good time for couples to talk about their needs and concerns, re-examine their sexual practices and make adjustments.  In future columns I will speak more about this and ways we can develop intimacy with our beloved.

Above all, be patient and willing to talk about each other’s likes and dislikes, needs and desires.  Lighten up!  If moralistic thinking is holding you back, visit with a counselor to help you unpack your emotional baggage.


Dr. Gary G. Kindley

Dr. Gary G. Kindley is a Licensed Professional Counselor with more than 28 years of experience working with individuals, couples, adolescents, families, corporations, organizations. A Texas native, he holds a Bachelor of Science degree in Education and Psychology from Texas Wesleyan University (magna cum laude), as well as a Master of Divinity Degree and a Doctor of Ministry degree in Pastoral Counseling from Texas Christian University. He has done additional graduate counseling studies at the University of North Texas at Dallas, and is a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist and Certified Multiple Addiction Therapist. Dr. Kindley is also a gifted speaker, educator, and author.

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